My Little Garden in the Desert

It’s amazing how we can be blessed in the most unexpected ways.

When we were moving to the desert of El Paso from the lush green of Columbus, I distinctly remember having a conversation with myself (Yes, I talk to myself. Yes, I’m crazy.) about what our new house might be like and was bracing myself with the idea and possibility that I would have a rock and dirt yard. The thought of it was a little depressing. I like pretty things. I wanted a yard for the kids to run around and play in. I encouraged myself with the thought of a huge cactus garden, maybe buying some of those pretty blooming cactus, and what I could do with it and how it might be kind of fun to build a huge cactus garden.

But, instead, I got this….

 And these....

 And this picturesque setting....

In the land of sand and dirt and rocks, I truly believe it's a miracle that I have these enormous flower bushes. I was expecting so little and yet God blessed me (us) with the perfect house. We have a great little house (The Little House in the Big Desert?) and the most beautiful yard and flowers. And the best part, they require almost no work. It’s safe to say that I don’t have the best green thumb. I basically water them and that’s it. They grow into these beautiful blooming bushes that attract huge butterflies and humming birds (my favorite) and other neat little birds. I am so happy in my yard. And I feel so blessed and thankful. 

Stay-at-home Mother Does Not Equal Housekeeper

I was chatting with another Mom outside of Sienna’s school and she was telling me about how she decided to go back to work part-time. She told me, “I was only at home for about two months but I was losing my mind. I can only clean the house so much.”

I was floored. I sat there and nodded, hoping that I was keeping a poker face and trying not to look shocked and horrified.

Of course, it’s one thing to think something like that. Let’s face it, that’s what most people think about stay-at-home moms. But to actually come out and say it, especially so nonchalantly, to me – someone she knew was a stay-at-home mom – was a bit surprising.

First, what a gross simplification of what stay-at-home mothers do! Second, is that what she thinks I do all day? Clean? If so, where does she think my children are while I’m cleaning?

I’ve been a lot of things during my journey as a stay-at-home mom. I’ve been unsatisfied. I’ve been lonely. I’ve been ungrateful. But, I have NEVER, not ever, thought my house was too clean! Or had too much time for cleaning! No ma’am. And I’m a clean freak. I could easily clean all day and that would be sort of fun for me.

Instead I skim on the surface of “keeping-it-all together” – most days I’m making beds by noon, barely keeping the laundry at a manageable level in the basket, finally loading the breakfast dishes along with lunch and afternoon snack dishes into the dishwasher, and if I prioritize and schedule a few days out, I might be able to squeeze in an extra chore, like clean a bathroom or dust. And I know that this is how most stay-at-home moms feel during the day.

I don’t spend my day cleaning. I spend it running at a dizzy, almost panic-attack-inducing speed. One kid needs to go here, other kids needs to go here, this paper need to be signed, this check is due, the kids need snacks, this errand needs to be done TODAY, rush to extracurricular activities, plan a play date, kids want to play a game, homework time, we’re out of milk again…the list goes on and on. If anything, I need to go back to work to relax!

Being a stay-at-home mom is more than a full time job. It takes a lot of effort and time to take care of children (even those in school), to nurture and develop them, and keep them happy and entertained during the day. Cleaning is only a small fraction of my day.

In addition, most stay-at-home mothers are involved in “Mom Groups” like MOPS or parenting-related Bible studies or involved in volunteer work or run home businesses or all of the above!

I’m not sure where or how this misconception came into play but the idea that “stay-at-home mother “equals “housecleaner” must come to an end. It’s insulting to stay-at-home moms, and to the children they tend to, and it doesn’t represent the full picture of what the job entails.