Lessons Learned As A Military Wife

Obviously, being a military spouse is a huge part of my life. It’s not much of an exaggeration to say it is the axis on which my world turns, well, besides God. It dictates and decides so much of my life. Mainly, where we’ll live and when my husband will and won’t be home. Yet, for some reason, I don’t like to write about it much. The truth is I feel so under-qualified to even broach the subject. I’m far from an expert on military life or being married to the military. In fact, I fully admit that I only know about five of the 500 (or more?!) different acronyms, I’m still figuring my way through Family Readiness Group (FRG) stuff, and I am not always the proud and supportive Army wife that I should be.

In fact, I have been such a reluctant Army wife. I’ve drawn lines in the sand. I’ve dug in my heels in resistance. I’ve tried to make other options work. Reluctant is an understatement.

But, here I am, apart of a military family stationed at Fort Bliss in El Paso, Texas. I haven’t driven off into the sunset yet. I guess after beating your fists against the wind enough times, there is a calm peace in submission. Honestly, that is a daily struggle sometimes. So, I’m taking it day by grace-filled day. I can sum it up by saying: it hasn’t been an easy journey for me but I’m learning, and as they say, “the teacher appears when the student is ready.” There have been many lessons learned on this journey.

Despite and because of all that, combined with the reminder that this time seven years ago I watched my husband commission into the Army as an officer, and with the upcoming Memorial Day celebration, it all makes me take a moment to pause and reflect on the lessons I have learned as a military spouse. Here is what I would tell a younger version of myself…

Above all, you have to take care of yourself, especially during deployments. There is so much focus on the soldier and their sacrifice that sometimes the needs of the family back home can go unnoticed. Of course, the person who is putting their life on the line deserves as much support and attention as possible. Still, there is some guilt and/or denial in the fact that it doesn’t matter how awful your day was, you were home and not halfway across the world having things blow up around you. During our first deployment, I didn’t reach out. I didn’t ask for much help. I didn’t hire a babysitter. I didn’t address any issues on the phone or email out of fear of being selfish while my husband was sacrificing so much and also out of the fear that every conversation had the potential to be our last. It was a lot of pressure. And it ended very badly. By the time my husband arrived home from his deployment, the state of my being made the aftermath of Hiroshima look pretty. The moral of the story…reach out. Ask for help. Hire help. Find outlets. Pick up a new hobby. You need a break, too. It’s not selfish. It’s normal.

Sometimes taking care of yourself is as simple as eating well. It’s hard to cook for one person (or one person and two very picky little people) but nobody can survive on chicken nuggets and cereal alone. Make the effort to cook. Mindful eating habits and regular exercise are the easiest and quickest ways to maintain happiness and beat the blues.

Second, whatever you might be feeling or going through, you are not alone. Period. For example, I was recently at a coffee group meeting and a younger military spouse was listing all the reasons why she couldn’t and didn’t want to be a military spouse: “I don’t want to travel around like a gypsy…I want my husband around…I want to pursue my career…I want to be around my family…etc.” The entire time she was talking I was thinking: Yeah, me too!  It’s a simple example of how we all have the same doubts, concerns, problems, wishes, annoyances and hopes. For me, it’s so reassuring to know my concerns and problems are ‘normal’ and we’re not alone. Whatever you’re going through, someone close to you has been through the same thing in the past or is going through it now, too. So don’t be afraid to reach out.

Third, when you move, make that new place home as quickly as possible, despite the amount of time you have (or don’t have) there. It doesn’t matter if you’re only slated to be there for a few months; unpack those boxes, hang up those pictures, make new friends. There is nothing worse than spending chunks of your life waiting to start living somewhere else.

It is vital for me to make new friends…everyone needs a support system for those tough days (and there will be tough days!)…and do it quickly! We don’t have the time to let friendships slowly build over time through pleasantries. I throw myself out there and dive right in. I think I’ve startled a few people in the civilian world with this approach but I have met some amazing people along the way because of my openness and resolve in this area. Unfortunately, many of whom I’m far from now and miss dearly but I’m thankful for the roles they have played in my life and know that we can pick right up again over coffee and dessert should our paths cross again.

Work to make the zaniness of Army life become a new normal. There will be new traditions. Friends will become your new ‘temporary’ family.

Still, sadly, you never, ever stop missing home. I miss home every day. Facebook is a blessing and a curse in that it helps me stay connected on a daily basis but it is also a constant reminder of what I’m missing out on. It’s taken me years to accept that this feeling might not ever go away. The only condolence I can find is in the Bible, thinking of all the mighty characters of the Bible that were far from home - Daniel, Moses, etc. – and the Disciples that gave up everything to follow Jesus. What a great reminder to keep my eyes on my Heavenly home, not my earthly one.

Lastly, never underestimate what you can achieve on your own. I’m so inspired by my friends and fellow military wives. I’ve seen or heard of woman changing car batteries, fixing washing machines, planning and implementing home improvement projects, having babies while husbands are deployed, not to mention running households, working full-time, going to school, etc.…the list goes on and on. The soldiers are the heroes but they are supported by a backbone of steel.

I’m still coming to terms with this hectic lifestyle and looking to God to help me make sense of it all. I feel confident that this is all apart of God’s perfect plan. Of course it is! Moving and starting over so many times has pushed me out of my comfort zone and grown me in ways that wouldn’t have been possible otherwise. I really wouldn’t trade all the friendships, experiences, travels and adventures we’ve gained from Army life for anything. 

Finally, just for fun, here are a few photos from that fateful commissioning ceremony. It was so long ago that it was before we had digital photography hence the poor picture quality. Still, it's fun to look at these photos. We were young and pretty clueless as to what the future would hold. I was pregnant with a baby (Little Miss Sienna) and we were both filled with idealistic dreams. Oh yeah, and I had those awful bangs...what was I thinking?! Again, lessons learned.

Pasta Salad Mania!

The weather is getting warmer, the kids (and Mom) are itching for summer, and our eating habits are changing, too. We are using the oven less (it’s too hot!) and eating more salads and sandwiches. Plus, with Memorial Day weekend right around the corner, the BBQ and picnic foods are making a comeback after a long winter.

One of my favorite summertime foods is pasta salad. Is May the Official Month for Pasta Salad? ‘Cause if it’s not, it should be! I’ve been craving it all month.

I’m always switching up my pasta salad recipe and here is my favorite recipe right now.

Basil and Bacon Pasta Salad

1 pkg penne pasta, cooked according to package directions
1/2 lb bacon: cooked, cooled and crumbled
1 pint of grape tomatoes cut in half
4 med green onion
1/3c red wine vinegar
1 tsp dijon mustard
1/2 cup olive oil
1/2 cup chopped basil
1/2 tsp pepper and salt

In large bowl, mix pasta, tomatoes, onions and bacon. In a small bowl, whisk together olive oil, vinegar and mustard. Then, stir in basil, salt and pepper. Pour dressing over pasta, stir and chill for 2 hours before serving.

Delicioso!

Looking for a meat-free pasta salad? Here is another delish recipe from The Pioneer Woman. (This was my go-to recipe last summer and I can’t wait to make it again soon!)

Spicy Pasta Salad with Smoked Gouda

12 ounces, weight Mostaccioli

1/2 cup Mayonnaise

1/4 cup Whole Milk

4 Tablespoons White Vinegar

1-1/2 teaspoon Adobo Sauce From Chipotle Peppers (or One Minced Chipotle Pepper)

1/2 teaspoon Salt

Ground Black Pepper To Taste

10 ounces, weight Grape Tomatoes, Halved Lengthwise

1/2 pound Smoked Gouda Cheese, Cut Into Small Cubes

24 whole Basil Leaves (chiffonade)

Cook pasta until done. Drain and rinse in cold water until no longer hot. Set aside. Mix mayonnaise, milk, vinegar, salt, pepper, and adobo in a small bowl.

In a large bowl, stir together pasta, dressing, halved tomatoes, and cubed Gouda. Taste for seasonings, adding more salt and pepper if needed, and even an extra teaspoons or two of vinegar if necessary. Stir in basil at the end. Refrigerate for a couple of hours before serving. Divine.

Of course, I can’t mention pasta salad without mentioning my Mother-in-law, who originally ignited my love for pasta salad with her pasta salad recipe. It’s simple, feeds a ton and super yummy. 

Barbara’s Pasta Salad Recipe

I package of tri-color rotini noodles, cooked according to package and cooled

½ red onion, chopped

½ yellow onion, chopped

8 oz montery jack cheese, cut into 1-inch cubes

8 oz sharp cheddar cheese, cut into 1-inch cubes

4 oz can of sliced olives

bottle of Italian dressing

Combine all ingredients, refrigerate and enjoy!

Add hot dogs and hamburgers and now you’re all set for summer cookouts!  

Mother's Day Hike

We went for a hike last Mother's Day and I had so much fun that I asked to do it again this year. It might become a tradition! 

I had to laugh because our hiking terrain couldn't have been more opposite when you compare this year with last year. 

Last year in Georgia:

 This year in Texas:

But both hikes were a little out of my comfort zone. I'm not much of a nature girl. At its root, I guess that's what Mother's Day is all about, pushing out of your comfort zone, right?! ;) 

Still, it was great to be outside enjoying the fresh air, beautiful blue sky and all nature had to share with us. 

Can you spot the lizard in the photo above? And hey, we only had one meltdown over a bug! We're making progress! 

We stopped for a snack at the top. Can't beat the view!

 

After climbing down this mountain of rocks...

 
 I was happy to have this reward....

Cheers!

Mother's Day Roundup

There has been so much great stuff on the Internet this week related to Mother’s Day! I had to share some of my favorites.

This really touched my heart. We, Mothers, give pieces of ourselves to our families. http://www.aholyexperience.com/2012/05/the-habit-of-a-mother-who-changes-the-world/

Some yummy treats for Mom (Hint, hint, Daddies!). http://www.thenaptimechef.com/2012/05/giving-mom-the-delicious-day-she-deserves-naptime-simple-tips/

What a sweet idea! http://reluctantentertainer.com/2012/05/how-to-encourage-a-mom-on-mothers-day/

Some encouragement for Moms…who knows your kid might be the next great world leader or president? It’s fun to dream but it also puts our work into perspective; today is not just about the laundry!  Also, this is the initial posting in one of my good friend’s real blog. She’s the Mom I go to when I need advice. Check it out: http://lifeinthefishbowl.com/

And if you just need a laugh, I love this blog. She cracks me up! http://notlikeacat.blogspot.com/2012/05/other-side-of-mountain-when-my-moods.html

Sadly, this is a bittersweet weekend for many of us. Here is a special note to the Motherless Daughter: http://thegypsymama.com/2012/05/mothers-day-for-the-motherless-daughter/

Regardless of external circumstances, all Moms share the same heartbeat. The hardest job is the best job. Thanks, P&G. Your commercials make me cry (and now I will buy Tide detergent). Seriously though, grab the Kleenex and then hit play. Your work matters, Momma. 

To all the amazing Mothers in my life: Happy Mother’s Day!!

"Like No Place Else On Earth"

Can you guess: sand or snow? 

 

Ok, I guess those tumbleweed-looking plants give it away. It's sand! A few weeks ago, while our friend was visiting, we finally made the trek to see the famous white sands of New Mexico. 

What exactly are the white sands of New Mexico? Well, according to their brochure, “At the northern end of the Chihuahuan Desert lies a mountain-ringed valley, the Tularosa Basin. Rising from the heart of this basin is one of the world’s greatest natural wonders – the glistening white sands of New Mexico. Great wave-like dunes of gypsum sand have engulfed 275 square miles of desert here and created the largest gypsum dune field in the world. The dunes, brilliant and white, are ever changing.”

Yep, they got that right. As you can see below, it was a little windy there!

It was also breathtakingly beautiful. The sand was so white that it did really look like snow. And, like snow, the sand was cold to touch, even though the desert and blazing sun above were hot. 

We sledded, I made a sand angel, we buried ourselves in the cool sand; it was like the best of both worlds – beach and snow – and it would have been perfect except for the non-stop sand blowing in our faces. 

Climbing up that hill was exhausting! The sand is so soft...and the reward for your hard work walking up that hill? As soon as you crest the top of the hill, a huge gust of wind threatens to knock you over! 

We brought a few different sled options, but none of them worked very well alone. We borrowed some wax (to use on the bottom of sled) from a family sledding next to us. It helped. I would definitely suggest stopping at the gift shop on the way in and picking up some of the wax before heading into the dunes.

Still, it was a neat thing to experience and I would recommend you check it out if you’re ever in the area and definitely a must-see for our local friends. For more info, check it out here.

It's Showtime!

We took the kids to see their first musical, Guys and Dolls, this past weekend. I had little to no expectations as to how it’d go, especially for our ants-in-his-pants Grant. Actually I was mentally prepared for the kids to talk too loud or fuss or have to take them outside. Still, it was worth the risk to me because I so want the kids to have an appreciation for “the arts,” and I figure why not start them on the classics at an early age. I have so many fond memories of going to shows with my family and watching musicals with my Grandma that I really want to pass all of that down to my children as well. 

Plus, in general, it’s a good thing to support local theater troops. It might not be Broadway but the seats are better and it's just as entertaining! 

Well, to my surprise, the kids did great! In fact, they both really enjoyed the show. I was so happy and proud of them. It was a fun family outing...and we've been singing, "a bushel and a peck..." all week. 

Then, to reward the kids for behaving at the show – and to indulge my sweet tooth – Bill made a “pizzookie” cookie sundae for us. Again, the kids loved it. Sienna was astonished and said, “I thought we were only going to have a piece but we got to eat the whole thing!” She even thanked God for it during her nighttime prayers. 

To make a pizzookie, press a package of Pillsbury Simply cookie dough into a pie pan, bake according to the directions on the package for about 15-17 minutes, top with vanilla ice cream and chocolate sauce...and dig in! 

For my local friends who might be interested, the UTEP Dinner Theater is an El Paso gem. Check it out!